Compared with western cultures, China has traditionally had a vastly different value system toward marriages and family. But over the past 30 years, these customs have been upended. By looking at the development of Chinese television dating shows, we can see how love and marriage changed from a ritualized system mired in the past to the liberated, western-style version we see today. Marriage matchmaking has always been an important cultural practice in China. Marriage was viewed as a contract between two households, and it was for the purpose of procreation, not love. Thought to contribute to peace and stability, it was the dominant custom into the latter half of the 20th century.
China’s youth turns to dating apps but their parents still post them in the local marriage markets
As you may expect, dating is a little bit different in China than it is in most Western countries. The basics are the same—people are people everywhere—but there are still a few differences regarding culture and social cues to note. They simply have too much work to do.
Dating is a form of courtship and is not casual. In traditional Chinese culture, boys and girls are introduced to each other in.
W hen June Ding goes on a date with a Chinese man, she hikes up the virgin factor. Instead of wearing a low-cut top and necklace, she stows away her cleavage and dons a demure sweater and scarf. During the course of the evening she is careful to let the man do most of the talking, to appear interested in everything he says and to react with sufficient wonder to ensure that he is comfortably marinating in his own ego at all times. This proves somewhat challenging for the year-old Beijinger, who is no shrinking violet.
Animated, affable and razor sharp, she graduated at the top of her high-school class and then left China to study at Yale, where she earned a BA and a graduate qualification in law. She worked briefly at a New York City law firm before feeling the pull of home — like most Chinese her age she is an only child — and moved back to be closer to her parents. Her mother constantly reminds her to tame any expression of amusement when in the company of a Chinese gentleman.
Anything more exuberant might convince a prospective suitor that she is assertive, worldly, charismatic — not a good wife, in other words.
A Look at Chinese Culture and Dating
For those that may be too young to remember the song, it still expresses the Western ideal that love and marriage must be irrevocably linked. This convention is so deep-seated that many westerners are scandalized by any civilization that does not embrace the ideal. In China, there are more important things in life than love, or even happiness. Economic considerations, and the ability to care for elderly parents, weigh much more heavily than love or even happiness.
That does not mean that young people would not like to marry for love, if they could, and of course some are lucky enough to get both. The Marriage Laws and gave women equality, and also outlawed polygamy, child marriages and arranged marriages.
In China, women are still expected to marry “up. the cornerstones of feminist analysis: Throughout history, and across cultures, women’s bodies have been Leftover Women begins with Qiu visiting a Beijing dating agency.
Ever since ancient times, there has been a popular saying in China that the three most delightful moments in one’s life come with success in the imperial examination, marriage and the birth of a son. During this period, the importance of getting married was far more than that a person found his better half. For the male side, it determined the prosperity and even the future fame of their family; while for the female side, it meant that parents lost the chance of seeing their daughter for a long time.
Thus to choose an ideal partner was vital for both the individual and the family. Birthday Matching: after knowing the girl’s full name and birthday, they would ask a fortune teller to predict whether that could match their son’s and whether there would be a happy marriage. The Chinese zodiac would be surely taken into consideration.
Presenting Betrothal Gifts: if the match was predicted to be auspicious, the matchmaker would take gifts to the girl’s parents and tell them that the process could continue. Presenting Wedding Gifts: This was the grandest etiquette of the whole process of engagement. Prolific gifts were presented again to the girl’s family, symbolizing respect and kindness towards the girl’s family as well as the capability of providing a good life for the girl.
Wedding Ceremony: the wedding ceremony began with the groom and his party meeting the bride in her home. Before this day the bride’s dowry would have been sent to the boy’s house. The dowry represented her social status and wealth, and would be displayed at the boy’s house.
Chinese Dating Culture: The Old and New
China is one of the leading countries in terms of technological advancements. Despite this, it has preserved its ancient culture like any other Asian country. In this conservative country that values customs and traditions above all else, casually dating can go against their dating norms. Adapting to the new Chinese dating culture can be difficult but not impossible.
As the population ages, the only thing being given birth to are fears of ‘natural extinction’.
While researchers have long examined the dating and mate selection patterns among young adults, the vast majority have utilized Western samples. In order to further our understanding of the changing nature of dating behaviors and attitudes, this study examines a sample of young Chinese adults and focuses upon the gender differences therein. Using a foundation of social exchange theory, the analyses illustrate the differences between the dating attitudes and expectations of Chinese women and men.
Per traditional expectations, both sexes place a low priority on sexual behaviors, yet more progressive attitudes and behaviors are also evident. Women, in particular, appear to be more focused on pragmatic qualities in prospective partners. The influence of individualist values and the changing cultural norms pertaining to dating and familial roles are discussed. Dating and romantic relationships are a normal, yet essential, part of life during the adolescent and early adult years.
Beyond the basic desires which most individuals experience during this time, researchers have noted the relative significance of dating, not only for individuals but also for societies. The initiation and maintenance of intimate, romantic relationships have been linked with improved physical and emotional well-being, stronger perceptions of community attachment, and better developmental outcomes for the individuals e. During adolescence and the early adult years, dating enhances identity formation for individuals and provides socialization experiences which are necessary to forming and maintaining intimate and interpersonal relationships in life Chen et al.
Although researchers have directed their efforts toward a better understanding of the dynamics of dating and partner selection, focusing upon the influence of such elements as the family environment e.
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In a survey in by a dating web site, 25 percent of Chinese brides said.
Chinese marriages are interesting affairs fused with unique customs and traditions. As is the case with most societies, in primitive times the concept of marriage did not exist. People of a single tribe did not have fixed spouses and they could have multiple sexual partners. Marriage in ancient Chinese culture went through a lot of changes.
Initially, people bearing the same surnames were allowed to get married, marriage between siblings was allowed too. These legendary characters are responsible for the creation of mankind in Chinese mythology, they were both related by blood and they formulated proper procedures for marriage after marrying each other. Towards the end of the Neolithic age, marriages among siblings got banned and exogamous marriages emerged.
Things To Know About Chinese Dating Culture
The extent to which these customs will be observed will vary between areas within Greater China and between Chinese communities throughout the world. Some traditions may no longer be observed apart from in small pockets of very traditionalist Chinese. Marriage customs and preparation In a culture where the perpetuation of family ancestral lineage and the family as a social institution are central, marriage is an important institution and has many intricate customs associated with it.
Arranged marriages, where the marriage match is arranged by the parents or relatives of the bride and groom were once common in Chinese society but are now rare and viewed as old-fashioned.
A well-known Chinese idiom that describes marriage says 门当户对. It means that a couple should come from families with comparable social and economic.
Photo: Courtesy of Jo Bai. Being with a Chinese man is fundamentally different, yet rewarding, and brings great joy to Kathy De Leye, an entrepreneur in the health business who comes from Belgium. However, one challenge that Western spouses point out about their Chinese husbands is communication. If something is wrong, such as a problem at work, he won’t talk about it. She said compared to men from the West, her husband is very quiet and works much more.
But the fact that he’s not saying anything bothers me,” she said. The couple has already had a few fights because of the communication issue, but they are working on finding a solution. As Chinese society becomes more international and modern, cross-cultural marriages are becoming more and more common. Today, on International Women’s Day, Metropolitan, China’s expat community lifestyle guide, shines a spotlight on expat women in the community who are married to Chinese men.
From a female perspective, they share what their lives are like with Chinese men in relation to a woman’s status and role in the relationship and what rights are like in a cross-cultural union. When East and West unite As both De Leye and her husband are busy with their work, she wants to make sure that the two of them have an evening together every week to just sit and talk or watch a movie. However, she has to convince her husband that it is important for their marriage and not a “waste of time.
Growing up in the US, she watched her parents express love through words, kisses and hugs. The other difference is how they value and think about money, Bai said.
Dating attitudes and expectations among young Chinese adults: an examination of gender differences
Dating anywhere in the world that is not your home country, you are bound to find some cultural differences and experience culture shock. Depending on where you come from, Chinese culture is probably very different to what you are used to. Or, indeed, other expats living in China from different countries other than your own. This is a down to Earth account about experiences dating in China — the good, the bad, and the ugly, and how to deal with the cultural differences that almost certainly will arise.
In Asian culture, however, including dating in China, they often seem to miss out the middle step. Nothing needs to be said, e.
A generation or two ago in China, marriage was nearly universal, and undermined by scam marriages, sham divorces, and dating hoaxes.
The family unit is considered to be one of the most central institutions. For many, their family provides them with a sense of identity and a strong network of support. In China, the family is largely understood through Confucian thought. In Confucian thinking, the family contains the most important relationships for individuals and forms the foundations of all social organisation. For instance, the roles of husband and wife, parent and child, elder brother and younger brother are clearly defined.
Confucian roles are not strictly adhered to anymore. Nevertheless, children are still expected to obey their parents and honour their elders. This is in accordance with filial piety, the Confucian tenet that stresses the importance of age. For example, in most regions of China, the entire family is expected to consult family elders on big decisions.
Moreover, children are expected to care for their parents as they age. Sending elderly parents to an aged care facility is considered shameful. Families are also perceived to have a collective identity and reputation in China. This is often referred to as face , whereby the act of a single individual will impact the perception of all its members by others. The interest of the family is expected to supersede the interests of the individual.
Chinese Dating: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly – Part 1
Chinese dating is just as confusing, and wonderful, as any other type of dating. For Westerners, a willingness to learn about Chinese culture can make an interracial or international relationship stronger. For Chinese individuals who want to meet others from the same ethnic background, internet dating sites can help. As with any culture, not everyone from China shares the same beliefs. Still, there are some attitudes about dating that are common among the Chinese. An important one is the involvement of family.
Chinese culture is remarkably different from the Western world – the food dating and asking a Chinese person to marry you are nothing like.
Although this is slowly beginning to change, there is a huge emphasis on women to marry early in Chinese culture. For many Chinese women, a man needs to have good prospects and be able to buy an apartment and a car. Here are some useful vocabulary words for going on a date, telling someone you like them, and maybe fancying a little bit more….
If you want to up your spoken Chinese game, I really suggest taking a look at our friends over at MandarinHQ. They have a tool called the Real Spoken Chinese Vault , and it basically introduces you to lots of different ways to say essential Chinese phrases. You can scroll to the bottom of this page to see how to the Real Spoken Chinese Vault works, or check out our review. It will only take 8 minutes to read this post!